You’ve made a big decision…to start trying for a baby!
Free range sex unfettered by contraception concerns…what more could you wish for? Raunchy, racy romantic… candles, rose-petals; motive meets opportunity at every chance.
In the heady early days and nights of trying to conceive there’s a new frisson to sex. After all, you may have spent up to fifteen years trying, and succeeding, in not getting pregnant.
Sometimes a disconnection between relaxing, absorbing releasing sex and enjoyment gets clouded by worries about conceiving.
This lustful living is great for a few months but no sign of a positive pregnancy test can be perplexing and frustrating. Loss of desire is a common sexual problem faced by close, happy couples trying to conceive. Concerns begin to set in. Why is it not happening for us? What are we doing wrong?
You schedule sex to better coincide with the monthly fertile window of ovulation to increase your conception chances, which makes perfect sense. Somehow sex has changed tune, from fun and passion to a timetabled chore. Sometimes a disconnection between relaxing, absorbing releasing sex and enjoyment gets clouded by worries about conceiving. The pressure mounts and it may be hard to get into the mood for sex.This lowered libido, a loss of desire, can affect both partners equally; men may often have erection problems and for women, orgasm becomes elusive.
Is Baby Making Sex Different?
Of course it needn’t be when everything goes to plan. Many couples may not know exactly when their baby was conceived. Good sex and regular orgasms actually do help fertility, so you may want to get great sex back on the menu! I like to talk about Mindful Sex which simply means being in the moment and totally enjoying yourself.
Here are some ideas:
1. Sex is a basic need for both of you to stay happy and well in your relationship, no matter what else is going on in your life. When you move beyond the honeymoon phase you may have to remember to set aside time together for sex. Schedule time at weekends or use early morning trysts to keep in touch. Sexual encounters do not always need to last all night long to be delightful and effective.
Good sex and regular orgasms actually do help fertility, so you may want to get great sex back on the menu!
2. Focus on yourself. Find your own time and space to stay in touch with your own body. Exercise, eating well, massage, nice clothes and lingerie can all play their part in keeping your body strong and feeling good. Knowing your own needs and responses by way of self-pleasuring/solo-sex can help in making sure your partner learns what works for you Right Now. Your partner is not a mind-reader, neither are you so talk often about sex.
3. Separate worries, resentments and arguments from sex. There is a place to deal with all those other issues and the bedroom is not it. Keep your bedroom for sex and sleep. Very little happens when you are checking emails, answering call or watching movies. Have fun, enjoy yourself and each other.
4. If problems persist do get help and talk to those you trust.
5. Remember what it was like when you first got together and couldn’t take your hands off each other? Keep that in mind!
Do you have any fertility related questions? Leave us a comment below, and Helena will do her best to reply to them on her next post!
Helena Tubridy, Fertility Specialist, is a clinical hypnotherapist and former midwife. For 30+ years Helena has been helping couples to achieve pregnancy, to overcome infertility, and deal with miscarriage and loss. She coaches IVF clients through that emotional rollercoaster. Her patient guide ‘Fertility in Mind…How to Succeed With IVF’ was compiled with you in mind and outlines her popular mind body programme. Please feel to comment and join the chat ….